just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
