Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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