im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
