One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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