I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
