Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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