My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
