I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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