I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's always time for handjobs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
