she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
