After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
