The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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