i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize