Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
