how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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