nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
