I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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