At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
