Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
