if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just threw up on my dentist
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Naked. naked and bneed help.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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