So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
