She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
