He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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