she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
