i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
