just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
