last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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