vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
