his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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