Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
