Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
