Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
