I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
