life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
