im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
