I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize