My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
