Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
