I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
