So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
