He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
