I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
