you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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