Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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