just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
