he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
