Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
