Do vagina's smell?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
