dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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