Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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