i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
