We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
