Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
