you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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