So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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