Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
