is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
