I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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