They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
