Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
