his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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