Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
