I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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