So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
