getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
