Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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