Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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