Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
