Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
